fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
