I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
