how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm always down for nudity.
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