i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
