Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
