i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
