I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
