And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize