Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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