FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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