yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
