Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i love accidental penises.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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