im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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