I wish I could teleport
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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