is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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