So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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