I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
