What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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