we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
