My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
