I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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