No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
