I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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