We won't sleep together?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
