Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nutella sex= disaster
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
