He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
