3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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