I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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