Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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