She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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