did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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