and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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