My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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