dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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