I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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