Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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