you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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