he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
