dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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