Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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