I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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