And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
