"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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