i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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