just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
