Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
