She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
