Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
