i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
