If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
