My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
