Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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