I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
