He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
