Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
