So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
