i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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