i think i have herpe
just one?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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