oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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