Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
