Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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