Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
