Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
