If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
