Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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