I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
