Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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