How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
