I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
