If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
a search helicopter?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
