my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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