maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
