Small penises have feelings too.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
