he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
