You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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