So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
