It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
