So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
